It’s Christmas – forget buying boring presents for your wine loving friends – Drew and Conrad from The Wine Wankers have rolled out their annual Christmas Gift Guide full of quirky must haves for this festive season.  Let us know in the comment section which present you’d like to see under your tree on December 25 (psst, Santa – Drew really, really wants the Plum Wine Fridge!)….

And you can check out last year’s list here!

The Champagne Bong: Maybe I’m too Australian – but I have to applaud anything that combines drinking champagne with sucking back on a bong.  Ladies and gentlemen; I give you the Chambong.  The Chambong is a device used for the rapid and enhanced consumption of sparkling wine and Champagne.  Buy it here.  If you’re more the laid back drinker (as opposed to the champagne lay backs kinda drinker), you probably want to savour your fine wine with the more refined Wine Sipper.  Perfect for Port.  Buy it here.

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Drink straight from the bottle – classy-like: With the Guzzle Buddy it’s now socially acceptable to drink directly from the bottle!  Buy it here.

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This present is crap: Because nothing says I love you more than giving that special someone in your life toilet paper that smells like mulled wine.  Thanks Tesco, I think!  Buy it here.

Beer advent calendar: What do people in the wine industry drink when they’re exhausted?  Beer!  Your prayers have been answered, a Christmas Beer Advent Calendar.  24 craft beers, 18 different beer styles, 17 nationalities on 3 continents.  It weighs 22kgs – so probably not a good present to get air freighted outside of Europe.  Buy it here.

Socks!: Because every mum/mom needs a wine at the end of a shit day!  Buy it here.

Hello Kitty Wine:– more like hello sell out, but who cares, it’s Christmas!  Definitely not suited for children.  Sanrio, the masterminds behind Japan’s much loved Kitty (which we now understand is not even a cat), have partnered with Torti Winery in Italy to hand-pick grapes for a Hello Kitty rosé, sparkling Hello Kitty white wine and must have human flavour catnips.  Buy it here.

Cut your wine consumption in half!  I’m a glass half full kinda guy.  For the optimist in your life….. Buy it here.

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A corker of an idea: the Champagne cork cooler.  Buy it here.

Donald Trump Wine Pourer?:  We discovered these very cool wine pourers/aerators when we were in Texas –while the Zombie looks spookily like Donald Trump – for the festive wine aficionados, there is also a Santa Claus!  Made from stainless steel. Buy it here.

A wine fridge that only holds two bottles and costs $1500!  Sign me up!  What I’m not telling you is how genius the Plum Wine Fridge is – using the power of the internet, it automatically serves the wine in side at exactly the right temperature.  How? There are cameras inside each of the wine-bottle chambers. Once you insert a bottle of wine, the cameras scan the label and upload it to Plum’s database. After about 30 seconds, the 7-inch touchscreen on the front of the fridge tells you exactly which wine you’ve loaded up.

From there, Plum will adjust each of the wine chambers to the proper temperature for the bottle you’ve put in. Each compartment is totally sealed off from the other, so you can chill a white wine while slightly cooling a red at the same time. Plum can recognize 220 different varietals of wine and adjust to the optimal serving temperature for whichever bottle you have.

There’s also an intriguing internal setup that lets you pop in a bottle of wine and have it stay fresh for about 90 days, once opened (the same kind of technology behind Coravin).  Watch this video and tell me you cannot live without one!  Buy it here.

Rude wine stopper: I wonder why this wine tastes like banana?  Buy it here.

Wine Condom:  Off wine – no thank you.  Roll a wine condom over your Domaine de la Romanée-Conti’s shaft, I mean neck. And unlike real condoms – these are reusable; just give them a good rinse out first (ewww, gross)!  Buy it here.

The watermelon keg:  Every backyard will need a Watermelon Keg Tapping Kit this summer.  The kit enables various fruits (watermelons, pumpkins, pineapples, rockmelons etc) to be easily transformed into a one-of-a-kind drink-dispensing keg.  Imagine filling this baby with a watermelon frosé. Now you’re talking.   Buy it here.

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Custom made wine aprons: We got a Wine Wanker apron made up.  What will you create?  Or if you’re in a rush, Vinotopia has a selection of pre-made winelover aprons ready to roll.  Buy it here.

Retro wine coolers: Because these days, a cheap plastic cooler or a garbage can just won’t cut it when chilling your wines for a backyard BBQ.  These fun and colourful wine coolers/sculptures are made out of upcycled 44 gallon oil drums, handmade in Vietnam and designed in Australia.   Buy it here.

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Bicycle wine carrier: If you’re like me, you HAVE stacked your bike while riding to a friend’s place with a bottle of wine in your hand.  Drinking and riding a bike with one hand is not a recommended activity!   Stack no more with this leather bicycle wine carrier.  Buy it here.

Boozy tea cups: These stacking tea cups are a great idea for the office, except your co-workers might think you’ve got a drinking problem!  Buy it here.

Wine made in 1880:  Seriously – I cannot believe you can still buy a wine from 1880!  It’s expensive at AU$2,400 – but this wine is from 18 freakin 80!  Seppeltsfield 1880 Para Vintage Tawny 100ml is the oldest wine still being sold commercially, anywhere in the world.  Buy it here.

Wine teeth stain remover: Because black teeth never impressed ANYONE on a first date.  Unwined wine stained teeth remover.  Buy it here.

Tipsy wine glasses:  you’re not drunk, you’ve just been drinking weed infused wine!  Buy it here.

Mini-bar cocktails:  Finally – you can get actual bar-tender-strength cocktails in your hotel’s mini-bar.  If you’re like me and travel a lot, hotel mini bars never have anything exciting to drink in them.  That was until now.  In Australia, and soon to explode around the world (we hope), the 60ml serving sized bottles include Negroni, The Bittered Sling, Gin Martini, Vodka Martini, Espresson Martini, Manhattan and many more.  And because these are bartender strength and made with pure spirits, the cocktails average 35-40% a/v.  These aren’t for sale tio the general public, but are available in Hotel mini-bars.  Look out for them.  More info here.

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