Our regular readers would have cottoned on to the fact that our blog is lashed in irony. We are really the anti wine wanker brigade, and consistent with our Australian sense of humor it only seemed right to call ourselves what we are not.
For those not exposed to Australian humor we do have a tendency to give everyone a nickname, and often that name has somewhere in its derivation a meaning that is the opposite to reality. Why is this so … no idea; sometimes it’s best not to question such things. Here are some examples;
Tiny – often reserved for massive men.
Stretch – used for people unusually short.
Bluey – exclusively for those with red hair.
Happy – someone with a dour taciturn disposition.
So some rules to ensure you are not becoming a wine wanker might be appropriate.
What we at the wine wankers are trying to do, is break down the divide between those that use wine as an elitist instrument, and those less imbued in wine matters. The reality is that wine tasting is a very subjective art, and you can read two reviews of the same wine and they bear no relation to each other. There are many examples we could give but I am sure it would cause some embarrassment to the authors.
Wine is to be shared, a wine wanker type would hoard their wine. They tend to be name droppers, and mention that they have an ’82 Latour in their cellar and never share it with friends. Wine is to be drunk and enjoyed, and the sense of enjoyment is only enhanced when it is shared with others. Next time you buy a nice bottle of wine think about who you might like to enjoy it with.
To us the enjoyment of wine is enhanced significantly when paired with food. The synergy of wine and food together, either as a foil for each other, or complementing each other, is one of the true joys of life. The pleasure of a perfect food and wine match is bliss, and matched by few other things (maybe even that).
And drink good wine. It does not have to be expensive. Consumers pay a lot for the label that is stuck on the side of the bottle, when it is what is in the bottle that really matters. Len Evans was a legend in the Australian wine industry and gave one of my favorite quotes “People who say you can’t drink good stuff all the time are fools. You must drink good stuff all the time. Every bottle of inferior wine you drink is like smashing a superior bottle against a wall: the pleasure is lost forever. You can’t get that bottle back.”
So to reiterate, the rules of not being a wine wanker;
Rule 1 – Don’t use wine as an elitist weapon, it is grape juice and tastes nice.
Rule 2 – Share your wine, crack open that bottle you have been saving.
Rule 3 – Drink wine with food, it is one of life’s true pleasures.
Rule 4 – Drink good wine, to not do so is like smashing a good bottle.
Enjoy 🙂
Author: Neal (The Wine Wankers)
The Wine Wankers 
I am definitely not an ‘elitist’ about my drinking and my friends will say I am not very picky! I do like local wines, especially since I grew up on the Great Lakes here in the U.S. where the area is filled with grape vineyards. I like a sweeter, fruitier style of wine. But I am never going to turn down an offer for a glass! Cheers! Smiles, Robin
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Hey thanks for stopping by, enjoy your weekend, ours already started 🙂
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Love love love this site. 4 rules perfectly sum up what wine is about. Everyone who doesn’t follow this is kidding themselves.
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[…] funny thing is, as Neal wrote in “Don’t be a wine wanker!‘, by comparison to many people in the wine industry we are actually one of the least wine […]
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[…] was a wine wanker convention, no doubt, and we were very careful not to fall into that trap (here is how to make sure you don’t become a wine wanker). Lots of “so Bill how many granges do you have in your cellar ….” type […]
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This is hilarious, and so true. Those 4 rules make pretty good wine resolutions! 🙂
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Reblogged this on The Wine Wankers and commented:
As part of our holiday re-run series here’s Neal’s take on how not to be a real wine wanker!
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I especially liked this: “Next time you buy a nice bottle of wine think about who you might like to enjoy it with.”
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Life is too short to drink bad or cheap wine.
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I can definitely say I am not an elitist. Some of my favorites are blends, in some cases the are simply called ‘Red Table Wine’ or ‘White Table Wine’, this causes me to laugh.
I hunt for new and exciting wines which often then become new favorites. I live though in a Dry County and and Dry City within that county (strange Texas law), so must venture far and wide for wine. It makes it an adventure. I love your rules!
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That makes me a peaceful, dreamy, young hunk, full of positivity. How awesome is that! But it also makes it harder to deal with life when I’ve had a glass.
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Reblogged this on PermiesWorld and commented:
Great article…definitely worth a re-post.
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Good rules. What wine wankers need to realise is that there are not enough of them to keep the industry growing. The wine industry needs all people (of age 😉) to enjoy wine and making people feel bad about their choices or stupid is the antithesis of that.
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[…] The Wine Wankers: I love wine and Australian humor, so this blog is definitely a favourite. On The Wine Wankers, Neal, Conrad, Ben and Drew share fun stories while in search of a good glass of wine. […]
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g’day, mates! thank you for your “like” on my blog post. very neighborly of you. i never knew there could be so much to blog about wine; but you have made it a delicious topic. i like reds, but they don’t like me, sad to say. too many tyramines (or whatever they’re called). so i stick to pale wines like white zinfandel (which is the closest to anything with red in it that i can get without a massive headache). ever hear of gold chablis? only one place i can get it and i have to drive 30 miles in gridlock (that’s bumper-to-bumper automobile traffic–slow, grueling crawl)…and then there is a gewertstraminer (i hope i spelled that correctly)–out of this world…those three are my faves of the grape. otherwise, i tend to enjoy a good ale or stout–not chilled the way the average American drinks it.. and all very sparingly, so i savor the times i get to enjoy these delights. blessings on ye… 🙂
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Sideways – one of my favourite films (in film wanker parlance, it’s a “buddy-fleece movie”. – discuss)
But like a great Barolo, a good film is best shared and enjoyed with friends….
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I used to be partial to a mellow rioja of an evening or a chianti if I was feeling a bit lairy; a cava now and then if there was likely to be any dancing. I stopped drinking alcohol altogether when I became pregnant. Several years on, I’ve just started having the odd glass of something – for medicinal purposes (mother’s little helper) – but it’s amazing to me how differently I now perceive those tastes. Ok, I’m just going to say it anyway and brace myself for the backlash: it all tastes like vinegar to me! Shock! x
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Great blog, love the rules! Have to show this to a few people I know though!!!
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