It’s The Wine Wankers annual Christmas gift buying guide for the person in your life who drinks wayyyy too much wine. Conrad and I (Drew) hate traditional Christmas gift guides, which is why you’ll find the unconventional, must haves, and freakin expensive #winegiftporn items up for grabs – how can you possibly go wrong?!
Let us know which present you will be pestering your relatives for, in the comment section below.
Giant Prosecco Glass: ever wonder why they didn’t call this the ‘Giant Champagne Glass’? That’s because Champagne drinkers are classy and wouldn’t down 750mls of bubbles in 15 minutes – or would they? Buy it here. (£14.99)
Prosecco Pong – because playing Beer Pong is what you did in College. You’re all grown up and classy now – but not ‘Champagne classy’! Buy it here (£14.99).
ProntoBev: will genius contraption that looks like a watering can will chill a whole bottle of wine in 30 freakin seconds! Includes a built-in thermometer that lets you pour out your drink at the desired temperature. The only downside – this is a crowdfunded gadget and is not expected to ship until June 2018. Buy it here (US$99).
Dacor WineStation – if ever there was a ‘shut up and take my money’ wine present for Christmas – this has to be IT!!! This holds four bottles of wine and will keep them fresh for up to 60 days after opening. Furthermore, the wine gets dispensed at exactly the recommended temperature for the wine variety you are serving, AND, you can nominate how big you want the serving size – taste, half or full glass of wine. Yes this costs over $5,000 – but it’s Christmas! So it’s basically a bargain! If Dacor is reading this – can we pretty please have one!! 😉 Buy it here (US $5,649).
Winelover’s T Shirt: Unleash your inner pole dancing unicorn – buy it here (US24.95).
Unicorn Wine Holder – OK – did I miss a trend alert or something about mixing unicorns with wine?! It’s called the Wine Of Sacred Purity Unicorn Wine Holder. Whatever, I love it and this wins my Bargain Christmas Present of 2017 Award! Buy it here (US$19.95).
Wine Beanie Bottle Stoppers: NO! These are not ribbed condoms sitting atop your bottle of wine. These are bottle stoppers in the shape of beanies, and they’re a perfect stuffing stocker for your aunt! Buy it here. (£7.50)
Mulled wine bikini wax: Here’s one for the hard to please ladies who love silky smooth, hairless legs! Why not buy her an appointment to have her legs taken care of with a mulled wine bikini wax. Infused with the festive scent of red wine, orange, cloves and cinnamon, the professionals say it has been developed specifically for wax virgins. Alongside the booze-themed ingredients, the wax also contains chamomile and aloe vera to calm and soothe sensitive skin. Buy it here. (from £19)
The world’s biggest wine glass? If your New Year’s Resolution involves reluctantly cutting back your wine intake to one glass a day – you probably shouldn’t be buying this! Costco is selling what is arguably the world’s largest wine glass. It holds 25 x 750ml bottles of the good stuff. Buy it here (£59.98).
Wine fuelled Advent Calendars: These two boozy Christmas countdowns from ALDI and Iceland supermarkets contain 24 x mini bottles of red, white, rose and fizz, with everything from Merlot to Chablis. Both advent calendars total the equivalent of six full bottles. Buy it here (£ 49.99) and buy it here (£ 39.99).
Champagne cork stool: Nothing expresses your love for the good stuff more than a solid brass, hand made stool (or side table) in the shape of a Champagne cork. I first discovered these in the guest house of revered Champagne producer Jacques Selosse -and have wanted a pair ever since. After much online research, i finally found where you can buy them. Also available in shiny black. Buy it here (£450).
Australian Gin Advent Calendar – last year we got excited because Aldi released a beer advent calendar for Christmas. This year, Australian craft gin is being put front and centre and we couldn’t be happier. You’ll get 24 x 50ml bottles of deluxe gin from Down Under’s best producers, who are renowned for using crazy native botanicals and everything in between. On top of this, there are tasting notes from the producers, a guide to making that perfect gin cocktail by The Martini Whisperer and a valuable surprise Christmas present. Buy it here (A$295).
Wine bottle sweaters: If your family loves wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, then you’re gonna love these wine bottle sweaters. Buy it here ($9.99)
Champagne Emergency Delivery Service: We love anything that combines the word ‘Champagne’ and ‘Emergency’ in the same sentence. Champagne suppliers The Finest Bubble have teamed up with London’s bicycle and motorcyle courier companies to offer consumers a two hour champagne emergency service this Christmas. With a choice of over 300 champagnes, this is the ideal service when you forget to buy someone a present and you need one delivered PRONTO! Buy it here.
Booze filled Christmas ornaments: FFS – what will they think of next. It’s a good thing they didn’t have these back in the 80’s, because I would’ve had a very different childhood (OK, maybe not that different, but more merry on December 25). But I digress. If the idea of having gin, whiskey and vodka filled Christmas decorations sets your tree on fire, you need this gift. Buy them here (£35.00).
Chocolate wine: Yes, you heard me correctly. In 2017, Santa Claus will be bringing a delicious blend of fortified tempranillo wine influenced by chocolate essence. I haven’t tried it, but you know your Nan will love the flavours of velvety, smooth dark chocolate, which are complemented by rich, puckering fruit and hints of dried fig. Buy it here (£9.99).